Psychologist Martha Stout says that one in twenty five, or 4%, of all people are sociopaths. Sociopaths are those people who simply don't have a conscience. They completely lack empathy. For those of us who are not sociopaths, the idea of seeing a baby, a child, or any other human being in pain and feel nothing is inconceivable. One of the reasons con men can become successful is that it is hard for us to understand that not only can some can lie to us with a straight face, but they can do so without any feeling of remorse. And that is the crux of the problem, we tend to think that other people think like us. When they don't, we become easier prey for them.
The same is true of cultures. In the west we believe in the
Golden Mean as a means of compromise between two adversarial positions. Compromise, giving something up to get something else, is seen as a good and righteous thing to do. Conversely, much of the Arab and Persian world views negotiations as something to be won. Rouhani, after the nuclear negotiations,
announced that he had gotten everything that he wanted. It is apparently important that he won the negotiations.
Ruth Benedict was a cultural anthropologist who helped the United States understand Japan during World War II. One of her observations was that Japan was an honor/shame culture as opposed to the guilt culture of Western Civilization. Shame is external, what others think of us, rather than internal, what we think of ourselves. Guilt can be overcome by atonement, shame cannot.
Elderofziyon, a fervently pro-Israel blog, constantly says that Arab culture is also honor/shame. The main symptom of that culture is the acceptance of honor killings, which eliminate the source of shame but which the West finds abhorrent. Trying to negotiate with an culture which values honor above all is difficult because the goal is preservation of honor rather than conflict resolution. I think rather than an honor/shame culture being the problem, it is the win/lose culture. The result is the same, that is that negotiators have different goals, one being compromise and the other being winning, meaning negotiators are talking past each other. Resolving military conflicts between nations that have different goals in the negotiations requires, at the least, that negotiators understand what the other side wants.